One Day At A Time- A Preview

A Goal for Every Day!

I wanted everyone to share in a daily goal every day of the week, so here's some fun ways to bring positive energy to each day! We will start this Sunday- so look out for the post the day before to get you ready. Consider this a preview.

Smiling Sunday!

Start out the week with a smile! It's contagious and you may be asked why your so happy. Share some good news- or if you can't think of anything just say your just happy.

Make Someone Happy Monday!

This should be the day to go out of your way for a random act of kindness. It will truly make someone happy! Especially if you do good for a stranger!

Turn it Around Tuesday!

Everyone get's into situations that seem unbearable. It may be us or someone we know. Time to focus on the positives of these situations!

Way to Go Wednesday!

Make sure to praise someone: on an accomplishment, their work, how they carry themselves- anything that creates a positive focus for a job well done or a good job toward a goal!

Throw it Away Thursday!

Maybe it's a situation you shouldn't be a part of, a feeling you can't shake, or something you have been holding back. Time to put it out there or get rid of it!

Having Fun Friday!

Time to relax and have fun after a good, long week. Take some time out for yourself. 

Situational Awareness Saturday!

Time to look back at the week and look ahead. Plan, make goals, and start thinking about what to change to make a more positive outlook.

Positivity Training Part 3

Positivity Training Part 3 (part 2 of 2) continued...

If you missed part 2 you can get it HERE, also included in part 2 was link to part 1 and links to my other blog pages that focus on positive outcomes that are not part of this series.

Note from Erin: As we dive deeper into this and my other posts I noticed we are getting into deeper subjects. Some of these ideas come from my experience with friends in these areas. If anyone has a question or wants me to address an issue I'll be more then happy to blog about it. I encourage people to do this as it is possible others may have similar circumstance!

When last time we looked at positivity training...

In part 2 we began looking at what we can do for today when the past has influenced us. In part 3 we will continue looking at how our past shapes us today and being aware of how we have become shaped we can work on changes for the positive.

My family raised me to only like those who were like us. Don't mingle with those who were a different race, etc.

This is a big one here in the south. I didn't see this heavily until I left the Disney workplace and lived farther north. The farther from the tourist or even bigger city places I went- or coworkers visited- the more you hear appalling stories and see some rather...scary... people. It's not just the south, but all across the states in one form or fashion. 

Hate is not inherited by birth. Hate and discrimination are taught through our parent and caregivers.  No matter what culture or race you grew up as, the only way to think less of others is upbringing. Sometimes it's culturally driven, other times it's a skewed extreme religious view. Generality is 99% incorrect. Yes, people fit stereotypes sometimes, but there are those that break the "mold" constantly of those.

What if you are this person? While this is a harder subject the first thing I say to you is look at those you think are inferior in some way. Those people are just that- people. They all bleed red, are capable of great things, intelligent beings, have feelings just like you or me. Spiritually we are all the same. We all are trying to make it through life, find a purpose. Biologically all races share 99.8 percent of the human genes and roots of all people are traced to tribes that originated in Africa roughly 6 million years ago. Changes to race are only adaptations of areas (through mutations and survival) over thousands of years due to climate. I could go on forever about biology but might I digress... People of all types- race, culture, religions, creeds, etc. are all capable of such great things. I may elaborate in a separate blog soon. Look inward. Is treating those who have done no wrong to you or others deserving of such animosity? Will your differences toward others because of this make you the better person?

When we grew up we had the best of everything. I refuse to have it any less as an adult.

I know this seems silly, and by all rights, if you have worked hard and have the funds you should do as you please and give yourself those things. But you are not entitled to such things in life. When you are use to life a certain way you sort of expect these things. Hand outs. Treatment. That's not how it works in real life. People as bosses and in professional areas don't care. They care that you are doing your work, being productive, making the focus of business just that so that at the end of the day they make budgets. Not your problem, you say? In the work place it truly is. It all starts from the bottom of the chain.

What if you are this person? First off, things are just things. Sometimes we hit rock bottom or hard patches where we have to make cuts to our normal lives. This can be cutting back or having no entertainment spending for a while, buying all store brand or off brand for a while, even just making do with what we already have. The newer generations think they are entitled to special things and treatment because the parents always gave them these things. The world is not made up of getting your way just because you say so. There is no real instant gratification. You DO have to work to get things, to get respect and to live close to how you would like. Know that everyone is trying to get by- just like you. Spend wisely and you can get the things you want if you are smart about it. And if you need help, never be afraid to look into assistance.

We never worried about "healthy" food. We ate because we had to.

This isn't a deep subject, but it does seem to spawn from roots of home. My parents didn't always have a lot of money and we couldn't get assistance. Stuck between a rock and a hard place. While we ate and were fed well, there was a lot of pasta side dishes, processed side dishes and hot dogs. For some families, fast food- while expensive in the long run- was the way to go for convenience. With busy families, fast food continues to dominate. Processed foods are cheap. Some deeper subjects on food include some who ate for comfort in hard home situations, causing a bad habit stemmed from growing up.

What if you are this person? You have the choice when you get out in the world to make decisions that separate you from bad habits at home. Your habits also effect any children you have. For one, it is cheaper to cook your own food then running to fast food. In moderation, you can still buy processed foods and still live a relatively healthier life with your meals. Smaller portions will not only save money and stretch budgets farther, but it's better for the body. This way you can afford fresher foods. Cooking things mostly from scratch can save on salts and fats then always doing processed. Having large amounts of veggies along pasta will stretch cheaper meals since pasta is very cheap and very filling. For the busy parent, look into crock pot meals that are cheap and can be made ahead of time and frozen- just as good heated in the oven so you don't go out and spend on more food or fast food. If you eat for comfort, knowing you do is the first step to diet change. Keep healthy snacks around and ditch junk food so you won't be tempted by these. There is a lot more information and options out there for families to be healthier in their eating. If for nothing else, think about the money you will save with smaller portions and health care of the family!

Just because we grew up a certain way with negative habits doesn't mean we can't change those to be better. We should be proud of heritage and who we are. The values we took. The things we learned. But if we took the wrong parts from our growing up, then what have we really learned as we became a person of our own?

Fear in Communication

Fear

We all fear something. Perhaps we fear many things. Fear holds us back to making us happy or solving a problem. 

So what do we do when we fear change? When we fear the worst of an outcome?

What happens when we leave our fears

If we don't confront our fears we may never know. We miss opportunity. Sometimes we even make situations worse. 

Being passive or practicing avoidance is a communicative block between people. You must overcome this to communicate well and take care of disagreements or problems. If you are unhappy because of something someone is doing avoiding the subject may seem easier but, in fact, it tends to make things worse for you on your end. The person may not be aware of what they are doing to affect you.

Solving and Overcoming Fears

Figure out why you are afraid. Are you afraid of hurting feelings? Are you afraid of confrontation all together? Maybe your afraid of the response.

Would leaving the situation be more beneficial in the long run?

Chances are leaving it go will be worse. 

It's often better to sit and discuss the problem at hand then to continue to fear. 

Address the problem and how it makes you feel.

Make sure the other party gets to also express this.

You may fight for your point, but make sure you are thorough in your words and how it makes you feel. 

Most conflict can be solved with some sort of "meeting in the middle" where both parties come to an agreement. If this is unlikely or the situation is not something to compromise on then weigh the options if it continues. 

If you continue to be unhappy with the result and the person will not turn, then perhaps there is the ultimatum  But won't that be better then always unhappy and worry?

Most times problems arise from the lack of communication and fear of bringing up the problems. Perhaps the greater fear should be what would happen if I don't?

Positivity Training Part 2

Positivity Training Part 2

In this short series we will explore more on things you can do to make your perspective a more positive one. If you missed part 1, please visit it HERE. 

Of course, many of the blogs I have written go hand in hand with positivity training as a whole. We focused on Looking for the good things, learning that Health may lead to a happier you, even Stress management tips along with a page dedicated to Meditation ideas. 

Lastly, my latest blog before this was a deeper subject, Changing things about yourself that usually impact not only yourself, but those around you.

Helping Yourself for Today

We all have problems, vices, things that effect us greatly. How about your past? 

I have met a bunch of people that claim that things in their past is who they are today and nothing will change that. We all have met those people, perhaps we are those people.

Our past does make up who we are: our experiences and how we have reacted has shaped our character, our thoughts even our beliefs. But what if we aren't happy or have had a positive outcome? How do we change this?

Let's look at some examples.

People who act apprehensive toward others or negative aren't really happy.

At the core, being a "bitch" or an "asshole" doesn't reflect happiness and surely doesn't bring about positive energy to those around. You will hear it again and again that these people are happy with themselves or they don't care. It's typically a power struggle within themselves that they must feel worthy of anything to bring others down to their level or to see others hurt. This is NOT happy nor positive. 

What if you are this person? Look inside yourself. Bring compassion and empathy to your situations. Reflect on how these people reacted and even looked. Did you see pain? Did they lash out to defend themselves? How did you feel when people have done the same to you? Maybe it was your home life that grew you into a bully, perhaps a parent didn't show you love and warmth. You know the source, why be the same? This is not who you have to be now, and the choice is truly yours.

I have to steal because that's how we always got by when growing up.

I met people like this a few years ago, even living in nice places. Stealing, whether from a store or a place of residence effects others. Prices in stores compensate for lost merchandise, making it harder for everyone. In a residence area perhaps taking things hurts the people as it was a gift or something they saved for- but they worked for. People who steal do it for many reasons. Needing money, money for drugs, taking nice things for themselves, not having funds for stuff they want and want a better life. People who steal have deep issues both with money and value, especially when they see benefit for themselves without regard to others.

What if you are this person? Times are hard and sometimes our values can be confused. If we did this or saw our parents do this chances are they were also involved in subjects that made hard times even harder. There are plenty of "good" ways to make money even if it takes some extra work. If it's the thrill there are certainly other safe "thrills" that aren't illegal or hurt others. 

My relationships are always bad or I have a habit of hurting others because of my parent's love life.

We all learn how to treat others in a relationship based on what we saw growing up. The biggest problem is that we know and realize it was wrong if it was. Maybe it's abusive. Maybe your not truthful or monogamous. Perhaps you get with people who treat you badly because you ignore what will actually make you happy instead of focusing on a false feeling of love. These problems are often complex in nature.

What if you are this person? First, we do not have to live the same life as those before us. Instead, we are suppose to learn from our elders mistakes. This shows substantial growth and intelligence. If you are abusive know that a relationship is a mutual thing. There should not be dominance or struggle of power. Both sides are equal. If you are not faithful then look within yourself. What aren't you happy with? Is it the person your with, the relationship, or do you feel you need to fill yourself with attraction from others? Perhaps if you want this lifestyle then being together with a person in a relationship is not for you. Even not having a solid relationship and being promiscuous has it's roots in issues from a young age. Typically a lack of attention from the parents. I have found not many people- especially young people- ever actually happy like this.

Part 3 of Positivity training with the continuation of this will be posted next week.

If you aren't happy you have the power to change.

Changing Yourself- Break the Cycle

Personal Changes 

Changing things about you does not mean changing who you are. Bad habits, destructive behaviors, less then   notable acts- all these are things that are destructive not only to ourselves but harm those around us.

Now, I am not going to go into healthy eating or habits that cause physical harm like smoking (although addiction is a reflection here). These are acts and thoughts people do. No one is truly perfect but identifying a problem is always the first step in a change. The next step is up to you.

Below is my 5 simple steps to keep in mind when wanting to make a positive change to yourself. You can save it on your computer or phone as a good reminder.

Types of Changes

Every change you make to better yourself is a personal battle. Letting go of negative things in yourself does not change who you are, as I said before. Let's look at some of the things someone can change that is viewed as negative.

Lying, hiding, distorting the truth: These are very destructive behaviors and will tear relationships apart. After all, truth is much stronger. The issues that arise from these habits usually include trust issues, paranoia, and hurt feelings among many others for those you have a relationship with. Usually these habits have roots in a deeper problem.  

Keeping less than pleasing friends around: This one sounds odd, but if you keep people around you that practice negative behavior you will tend to pick it up as you are influenced by friends of this nature. These people can include, but not limited to drug users, thieves, compulsive liars, those who seek dominance of those around, "bad" business men/women, those who entice in bad behavior, etc. Not all people who do bad habits are bad people, but some are. In either case, limiting time around these people and keeping no contact will limit the possibility of falling into habit with them.

Staying out later then your suppose to: Again, another odd one, but you must put yourself in the shoes of the person/people expecting you to be home. Whether a spouse, significant other or parents the number one thing on their mind is typically safety. The next worry trust. If you are truthful and it doesn't happen often (traffic keeps you, car issues, etc.) then there is little problem. But making it a habit can hurt. Sometimes it's always going out with the guys after work. Maybe you are always wanting to go with friends. Remember, we all have responsibility at home, too, and relationships that need to be nurtured. Limiting yourself to always wanting to leave and not be around usually roots in other personal issues.

Ignoring problems/being passive/thinking problems will work themselves out: This is certainly not true in 99% of cases. Problems tend to fester when not treated properly. Being lazy doesn't take out the trash so not wanting to solve a personal problem someone close to you has will not make a situation better but keep piling on. Ignoring, thinking no one will notice, not wanting to be confronted, etc. often leads to the hiding and lying part. Isn't it best to stop if it hurts the other person? If it makes you seem not a very good person? Or that you just don't care all together?

Addiction: Anyone can be an addict of anything- even healthy things. Spending too much time alone on a computer or game, always needing to do things the healthiest way but letting it rule your life to where your relationships suffer. Maybe it isn't time that is the thing used up, but perhaps money. Drugs- while unhealthy and bad for the body- also take up money. Maybe you always must shop when half your closet still has tags. I've seen talk shoes where the man was unaware that the family was 50k in debt due to the woman shopping with an addiction. It ruined their lives, home, and family. It's best to have a healthy amount of anything, even living healthy. Unless you are training for the Olympics or an MMA fighter you don't need to run or work out 24/7.

Negative Thoughts/depression/cynical: Usually this is rooted in much deeper issues, but not always. If you are depressed and can't get out of the rut seek professional help. But if it's temporary think of ways to change your attitude and make your experience more uplifting. If it's just the way you look at things, look for those positive things. Don't always think "What can go wrong will." Instead "What can go right will". Set backs always happen but doesn't mean the opportunity is gone. Usually just pushed back. If you are cynical about everything this leads to the negative just as much as seeing negative everywhere. People, especially more positive people, tend to become attracted socially to people with positive attitudes.

Loving too much: This goes into addiction, but also has place by itself. Not all of us are meant to be the "Mother Theresa" or "Dali Lama". While helping whenever you can is awesome there is a time and place that most of us should be aware to back off. If it bogs you down and takes a toll on your priorities/responsibilities/stress level then you need to back off. Learn to say 'No'. I heard a fabulous saying when I was younger. "JOY- Jesus first, Others second, Yourself Third". While it's good to remember to take care of those around you, remember if your health is not good, your family suffers from lack of time with you, or you get suckered into things from people taking full advantage from your willingness then perhaps you are doing too much and you need to reevaluate how much love to spread.

While this list is pretty intense, remember that there are many more problems someone can be doing that aren't even mentioned here. While not all of us will be perfect you can make the change knowing what isn't perfect. Just look at how it effects your life and those closest to you. Perhaps it's how you deal with relationships and sex, maybe it's work-related and it affects your performance. It does take time and it isn't easy but if it wasn't easy it wouldn't be worth it.

Equality

Equality

Before I begin I want to say that using this word the past couple years tends to get animosity from certain groups. I have no problem expressing my views on the subject, nor should anyone else, as it is opinion after all. 

I am a believer that all people are people. Race, gender, sexuality, religion, etc. make no difference in a human being a human. Each of us have feelings, a past, present and future. Deep family roots and culture somewhere. Ideas and a feel for why they believe the way they do. People, unless they purpose themselves to make less of others, deserve to be treated with equal footing and equal opportunity.

I grew up and still live in the United States of America. We are not perfect as a nation and I feel we are far from it- but I feel proud and lucky enough to be part of this nation. It saddens me that so much of our "progression" is dependent on others who do not want others to have the freedoms they do because of race, religion, sexuality. Yet, if the show was on the other foot the story would be different for many of those who feel to oppress. You see, I have strong roots in Christianity. I also am not only very spiritual but have a deep knowledge in the history of the religion and where it's roots grew from Judaism. 

I am also very aware that this country was founded not by Christians alone, but Atheists who didn't want anything to do with the church of England.  Not only did the Christians want to break free of the strict tradition and the politics that was polluting their worship, but the Athiests and other groups who came over here didn't want to be forced into taking part in something they didn't believe. 

The Constitution is freedom of religion: freedom to worship anything and in any way.

It is pursuit of life, liberty and happiness: to live the way you want within the grounds of society as a capitalist nation- you work for what you want as hard as you want to get the things you want and live as you want.

There is the amendment of church and state: Religious (not societies morals) rules will not reflect or influence the laws made for everyone (because of freedom of religion- not everyone believes the same way). 

So why the fuss over equality for people who have a sexual attraction to anyone other then the other sex?

I find it sad to think this goes on as strongly as it does. Regardless of my religion that may say it's "wrong" I have the understanding that my country is basing laws off of a religion and denying happiness and life to a group of people. I do not think homosexuality is a choice: I do not choose to be straight, after all and no one can change my biology. If I wanted to live in a country where religion determines the law and oppresses others because of it I would choose to be elsewhere. Maybe living at the Vatican where it's all Catholic rule over the law. But, alas, I am here and people want it their way regardless of the founding principles. 

People may ask then "if it's freedom to live the way you want or happiness then what makes me not kill someone under the law?" You, the moral integrity of the nation, and the understanding that one cannot follow their Constitutional rights if it harms or disables another person or their Constitutional rights. 

Even the argument of past Jewish law that we got rid of that is in the same book of Leviticus such as no seafood other then fish, wearing mixed clothing types (cotton, linen, etc), even so strongly about women and their biology in regards to the church or their spouse. If we were to even follow the moral structure these books said about things we still practice then we should go and kill these other's off. But then, we have Jesus who came and changed it all, even changing many things  the book of Leviticus told us not to do.

The Dali Lama said once "Your Christians are so unlike your Christ". Jesus was not hateful. He was passionate about the correct way you should live and not sin, but he didn't hate these people. He gave them advice and went on. He didn't threaten. He didn't tell them he hated any of them. Instead he had concern, compassion and love no matter what.

No matter how you believe, isn't that the way we should treat all people? With kindness? He taught us not to judge, to cast the first stone as we are all people with faults, and that we are all on equal ground as people. 

This was just food for thought. Remember, positivity breeds positivity. Regardless of your religious views I urge you to treat others the way you expect to be treated. Kindness, respect, compassion- brotherly love.

Easter/April First!

Happy Easter!

Easter is probably one of the most important holidays to the Christian faith. The holiday is to celebrate the death of Christ Jesus who resurrected from the dead three days later. As I talked about in a previous blog post for Spring, lots of the symbolism we use is taken from pagan traditions of Spring. While eggs and bunnies are not Christian originated symbols, they are used as a representation for rebirth- or the acceptance of this event that Jesus died and rose for those who believe. Easter does not have a set date, but again has roots in a somewhat rather pagan way of deciding it's date. 

Astronomers wanted to set a date that coincided with Passover originally. So, Easter is the first Sunday after the Paschal Full Moon. The Paschal Full Moon varies year to year but is usually within two days of the actual  full moon. This is why we can celebrate the holiday in March or in April! 

Some people who follow Ostara- or the first day of Spring decide to celebrate this holiday on Easter instead because of the symbolism and ease of traditions. 

April Fool's Day is Here!

April 1st is regarded as a day of pranks and tricks, and the United States isn't alone. Many other places have their ways of trickery at or around the date. Some say the saying began sometime in the Middle Ages where some of Europe would celebrate the New Year the week leading to April 1st, and those who celebrated at January 1st would call those who celebrated later "fools" for doing such silly things. Throughout history April 1st has been regarded as the Day of Fools, Flemish poet Eduard de Dene in 1539 wrote of a nobleman who sent his servants on foolish errands on this date. On April 1, 1698, people were tricked into seeing "Washing the Lions" at the Tower of London after getting tickets.

So whatever you do and where ever you go just be on the lookout and don't take things too seriously. Chances are people are out for an innocent laugh.