Changing Yourself- Break the Cycle

Personal Changes 

Changing things about you does not mean changing who you are. Bad habits, destructive behaviors, less then   notable acts- all these are things that are destructive not only to ourselves but harm those around us.

Now, I am not going to go into healthy eating or habits that cause physical harm like smoking (although addiction is a reflection here). These are acts and thoughts people do. No one is truly perfect but identifying a problem is always the first step in a change. The next step is up to you.

Below is my 5 simple steps to keep in mind when wanting to make a positive change to yourself. You can save it on your computer or phone as a good reminder.

Types of Changes

Every change you make to better yourself is a personal battle. Letting go of negative things in yourself does not change who you are, as I said before. Let's look at some of the things someone can change that is viewed as negative.

Lying, hiding, distorting the truth: These are very destructive behaviors and will tear relationships apart. After all, truth is much stronger. The issues that arise from these habits usually include trust issues, paranoia, and hurt feelings among many others for those you have a relationship with. Usually these habits have roots in a deeper problem.  

Keeping less than pleasing friends around: This one sounds odd, but if you keep people around you that practice negative behavior you will tend to pick it up as you are influenced by friends of this nature. These people can include, but not limited to drug users, thieves, compulsive liars, those who seek dominance of those around, "bad" business men/women, those who entice in bad behavior, etc. Not all people who do bad habits are bad people, but some are. In either case, limiting time around these people and keeping no contact will limit the possibility of falling into habit with them.

Staying out later then your suppose to: Again, another odd one, but you must put yourself in the shoes of the person/people expecting you to be home. Whether a spouse, significant other or parents the number one thing on their mind is typically safety. The next worry trust. If you are truthful and it doesn't happen often (traffic keeps you, car issues, etc.) then there is little problem. But making it a habit can hurt. Sometimes it's always going out with the guys after work. Maybe you are always wanting to go with friends. Remember, we all have responsibility at home, too, and relationships that need to be nurtured. Limiting yourself to always wanting to leave and not be around usually roots in other personal issues.

Ignoring problems/being passive/thinking problems will work themselves out: This is certainly not true in 99% of cases. Problems tend to fester when not treated properly. Being lazy doesn't take out the trash so not wanting to solve a personal problem someone close to you has will not make a situation better but keep piling on. Ignoring, thinking no one will notice, not wanting to be confronted, etc. often leads to the hiding and lying part. Isn't it best to stop if it hurts the other person? If it makes you seem not a very good person? Or that you just don't care all together?

Addiction: Anyone can be an addict of anything- even healthy things. Spending too much time alone on a computer or game, always needing to do things the healthiest way but letting it rule your life to where your relationships suffer. Maybe it isn't time that is the thing used up, but perhaps money. Drugs- while unhealthy and bad for the body- also take up money. Maybe you always must shop when half your closet still has tags. I've seen talk shoes where the man was unaware that the family was 50k in debt due to the woman shopping with an addiction. It ruined their lives, home, and family. It's best to have a healthy amount of anything, even living healthy. Unless you are training for the Olympics or an MMA fighter you don't need to run or work out 24/7.

Negative Thoughts/depression/cynical: Usually this is rooted in much deeper issues, but not always. If you are depressed and can't get out of the rut seek professional help. But if it's temporary think of ways to change your attitude and make your experience more uplifting. If it's just the way you look at things, look for those positive things. Don't always think "What can go wrong will." Instead "What can go right will". Set backs always happen but doesn't mean the opportunity is gone. Usually just pushed back. If you are cynical about everything this leads to the negative just as much as seeing negative everywhere. People, especially more positive people, tend to become attracted socially to people with positive attitudes.

Loving too much: This goes into addiction, but also has place by itself. Not all of us are meant to be the "Mother Theresa" or "Dali Lama". While helping whenever you can is awesome there is a time and place that most of us should be aware to back off. If it bogs you down and takes a toll on your priorities/responsibilities/stress level then you need to back off. Learn to say 'No'. I heard a fabulous saying when I was younger. "JOY- Jesus first, Others second, Yourself Third". While it's good to remember to take care of those around you, remember if your health is not good, your family suffers from lack of time with you, or you get suckered into things from people taking full advantage from your willingness then perhaps you are doing too much and you need to reevaluate how much love to spread.

While this list is pretty intense, remember that there are many more problems someone can be doing that aren't even mentioned here. While not all of us will be perfect you can make the change knowing what isn't perfect. Just look at how it effects your life and those closest to you. Perhaps it's how you deal with relationships and sex, maybe it's work-related and it affects your performance. It does take time and it isn't easy but if it wasn't easy it wouldn't be worth it.