Getting Creative

Getting Creative

If you have read some of my past blog posts you'll see I always tend to add arts and crafts as something positive to do. I'm really big into art. In fact, my dream would be to attend art school (I know, I CAN do it but specialty schools are awfully expensive in comparison to other colleges) and do illustration work as well as keep myself freelance as an artist. My goals and dreams are slowly coming- I have had a couple works published in a tabletop gaming supplement commissioned by someone who works close to me through another friend of mine and yet another set of illustrations to go along with the next game he is writing up.  I have an intense passion for my work and look for all sorts of inspiration.

Included in some inspiration as of lately is trying my talents at some stuff I normally do not see much appreciation in. Http://www.strathmoreartiststudio.com/ is Strathmore artist paper's new approach to pushing art papers through teaching technique to people who may have not already considered these artistic approaches. This year they have 3 workshops, the first already underway and the second starting on May 1st. The first is the one I jumped on right away.

I have a hard time appreciating abstract art in most forms. I decided to sign up for this class to get more insight and broaden my own talents and technique. So far as I watch the video tutorials I feel like I'm hooked! You have no time limit except by the end of the year to submit anything. Work at your own pace. And my tip for the supplies: most ask on there where to get the specifics or every type of medium. You do NOT need to do this. If you have several types of mediums, work with them. 

The other two is toned paper work (which I swooned over this) and card making. 

Why bring this up? 

You don't need to be an artist to get into an art or craft. Doing something you like and being creative is such a simple way to bring satisfying results, not to mention destress. If you get frustrated with your art skills (even artists do- trust me) you can always take to crafts. ANYONE and I mean anyone can go online, find a list of things they would like to undertake project-wise (on every level of skill imaginable and budget) and get busy doing something creative. If your not use to crafting you'll notice after much time that things are easily customizable to how you want things to look. Feel free to change things up and make things truly your own!

Bring light and happiness into your home with arts and crafts. If you have children they will enjoy doing these things with you. Make your space truly yours. Bring light into your world through arts.

Situational Awareness Saturday

Situational Awareness Saturday

I'm a couple days late posting this, been feeling under-the-weather and also busy busy busy. Never fear, though: I am here!

Situational Awareness Saturday is a recap on your week. How did your positive actions effect others? Did you have situations occur that weren't pleasant during the week that you could have changed just by your actions or attitude towards them? How will you choose to act the following week?

By taking a look back we can reflect on ourselves and decide to be better if we weren't pleased with the outcomes. While regret is nothing healthy, we learn instead to change for the next time situations arise. 

It's almost plan building. Did we make more of something we shouldn't have? Did we show negativity instead of making a positive choice? Were our words credible? Did we make our words count when you spoke?

It's time to take that look back so that you can move forward to a better week next week. If you have trouble making the most of the week you can always refer back to our One Day At A Time blog for the listing of each day to bring some focus and sparkle to those around us: in turn making a better mindset for ourselves!

Having Fun Friday

Having Fun Friday

Having Fun Friday is actually very simple. After you get off work, school, or done with your household duties it's time to make time for yourself.

All week we learned some ways to treat others and be mindful of happiness that we can spread. Thursday was a little different but the results for ourselves and perhaps those around us by repelling negativity are the same- spreading happiness by letting things go or removing ourselves from situations.

But today is really relaxing. I really find it hard to give 100% when we are run down, tired, or just need some "me" time. It's really quite simple to do and all you need is to know what you enjoy to do on your off time.

Some ideas to focus on yourself and 'having fun'

You can always hang out with friends. Good company is always great.

Go see a movie or go out to eat. Sometimes scenery change is good.

Order take out and rent a movie.

Focus on meditation.

Catch up or start on an artistic project.

Play a video game- or if you aren't the console owning type- play some online games.

If you enjoy writing you can always plan and start a book.

Read a book.

Take a bath with dim light and music.

Just sit outside with a drink and enjoy.

Having Fun Friday is really about relieving the stress by dedicating your time to doing what you want. You work all week taking care of your needs and sometimes we spend a lot of time making sure other's are in good shape. It doesn't take a lot of money or time to pamper yourself: just make sure you are doing what you like to do!

Throw it Away Thursday

Throw it Away Thursday

Throw it away Thursday is all about getting rid of things going on this week that are pulling you down. 

Perhaps you've been pulled into a situation that you shouldn't be a part of. Or maybe you have been bothered by something that has been tugging at you inside. Time to let it all out and shake the feeling.

This day can be as simple or complex as you make it. If it's a situation you are a part of but shouldn't- get distance from it. Tell the other people you don't want to be a part of it. Leave negativity behind you.

If you need to talk, do it. Feeling bad about something can only fester inside. Find someone to talk to. Let it go.

Getting rid of negativity before the weekend will help you relax. Don't carry it with you. People go on through the week and pick up negativity. Although you learned in other earlier blogs to let it go and not be part of it sometimes we have no choice or forget. That's why today is the day of the week to make sure you rid yourself of such things. Don't make it to the weekend with it. Don't carry it until next week.

Way to Go Wednesday

Way to Go Wednesday

Way to Go Wednesday is all about praising and recognition of others. It's proven that those who receive recognition tend to have higher esteem and continue their goals to complete them. It pumps them up that someone notices the work they do. 

No deed should ever go unnoticed, no goal without a reward, and good job without the proper acknowledgment. Some people do good things without ever wanting attention, and that's alright, too. The feeling of helping someone is just as good as someone patting them on the back.

While we look for do-gooders we should always remember the mundane tasks that deserve praise as well. Daily jobs with a sincere "thanks" is almost like saying "your doing a good job" to those we encounter. 

Where to show praise and recognition

Start with those who work around you. Tell them what a good job they do in the line of work.

Praise your spouse or significant other on the duties they preform.

Tell children the praises of their accomplishments and how far they are coming along.

Local law enforcement and firefighters may be just 'doing their jobs' but they do a lot for the community.

Teachers and health care workers often work without much praise day to day.

Those who work anywhere and do a good job deserve a pat on the back. Those who go above and beyond deserve extra praise for taking the time.

People who help us sometimes deserve more then just a thank you. Sometimes they need help and never ask. Pay it forward, pay it back, just show them you appreciate them.

Turn it Around Tuesday

Turn it Around Tuesday

Tuesday we focus on the positive again with Turn it Around Tuesday. Taking a situation we hear about or know someone in and be thankful for the light out of the situations instead of burying ourselves with all the negative that we forget.

It's fitting we do this today after the news late yesterday afternoon. I'm not completely up-to-date on the tragedy of the Boston Marathon as I don't have cable or local T.V. and the news reports online blew up with all sorts of mismatched information as it was happening.

How do we take this Boston Marathon and apply our Tuesday technique, especially when it is so devastating and horrible?

Mr. Fred Rodgers really summed up tragedy in this following quote to help people, especially children, deal with the scariness of the news.

It is something to watch those people rush in so quickly. Many people consider those people 'heroes'. They come from all walks of life, all types of roles in the work place with the one goal in place. Helping those people that were effected. It's almost selflessness. These people, these helpers, aren't worried something else may happen, they aren't there to just scour for loved ones, they aren't even worried about the horrific sights they may encounter. Just that people need their help and they step in so fast to make sure people can get help.

It's not that we are to forget tragedy altogether, but we look to the good of situations as a beacon of hope that even in hell good people exist.

Other situations to turn it around

People go through crisis almost everyday around us. Family, friends, those who we see but don't know their names... everyone has those moments where it all falls apart. Perhaps maybe it isn't such a big situation to us but maybe it is to them. Even a blown tire on a car can dampen the spirits for a while of someone who doesn't make much money. 

In any case we have to remind ourselves of positive things instead of the negative things and dwell on these. For instance, that person with a blown tire may have just gotten paid the day before. Therefore, he can afford the tire and just do without something or call and reschedule a payment due for a bill. 

When my grandmother died we all were really devastated. She had bad dementia for years. She lived up in Ohio and although we lived down here in Florida we all missed her greatly. My grandmother had a hard time with this ailment and none of the family up north really told her what was wrong with her. My mom couldn't even say it to her fearing what she would do while in the health care facility. She died the winter of my senior year in high school. We took the trip to Ohio and for the first time I got to see snow. I got to see family I hadn't seen (or will see) in a long time. I know my grandmother wasn't suffering anymore with her confusion and embarrassment. 

Any situation, large or small, has an impact. Just be aware if someone sits suffering for their situation. Be aware of your words, of course, if you take it upon yourself to see the light of a situation. But know that positive things are there. They are always there.

Make Someone Happy Monday

Make Someone Happy Monday

Hopefully not too late, had a busy weekend overall. 

Making Someone Happy Monday is all about random acts of kindness.

Random acts of kindness is simply doing things for people who don't ask for it or don't expect it. 

Now think about how horrible Mondays feel for some people and how uplifting it would be to receive a random act of kindness!

Ideas for a Random Act of Kindness

Hold a door open for someone (this should be everyday, but you would be surprised!)

Buy the coffee order of the person in back or front of you in line.

Pay from the fast food meal of the person in back of you in a drive through.

Make a simple basket of soft, comforting things for a person at a nursing home and ask the front desk who may not have family that visits them or sends them things.

Buy some age appropriate books and gift them all to a local day care or government ran organization like the DCF education building where they do food stamps. (little ones have very little to do at these places)

If you go out to eat ask for the manager. Tell them what great service your waiter/waitress gave and tip not only the person waiting on you, but make sure you tip the cook.

On most receipts for food places and such usually there is a website to speak about the service. Make sure you remember the people who took care of you and their names and especially the times you dined with them and write a spectacular account of your visit.

If you spot someone in a store at checkout struggling to make change for a purchase offer to get the rest of the change for them no matter what they are purchasing.

Help an elderly person cross the sidewalk, road, or parking lot, get the door- or if they are leaving- offer to help them load their car with their items from a store.

See children eyeing the bubble gum machines? Give them some quarters.

If you see someone struggling at a store to get an item off a shelf offer assistance.

Pay off a random lay away at the local department store.

Mondays don't have to be so daunting for everyone. Making a person happy just by showing kindness or doing something anonymously really brings out joy in people. It doesn't need to be expensive. Lot's of ideas are cheap or require no money at all!

Smiling Sunday

Smiling Sunday

In our preview, Smiling Sunday was all about...you guessed it...smiling! 

What better way to wear a smile then to have purpose? Faking a smile is never really good, and usually saved for places like work. So, the goal here is to find the reason and make sure it's passed along.

Finding Reasons to Smile

I heard somewhere that if you wake in the morning and smile you'll have a positive attitude for the day. Whether or not this is true it never hurts to try it. Wake in an attitude with purpose, purpose to let your light shine to others. 

You woke up. Another chance, another day. A blessing many never get.

You may have a job. For many these days, a job to pay for bills is hard to come by. Be thankful.

You have a roof over your head. Again, be thankful. Many in the world do not have this.

You have a mode of transportation or in good health to travel on foot. Something that gets from point A to point B is something to be proud of. If you don't but walk places be thankful for the opportunity to save on bills this way, get in the fresh air and that you are able.

Look all around you. Each plant, animal, the sky- even the ground- is something that won't be there forever. It may take billions of years but be glad you get to witness it currently.

Maybe you have had some good news recently. 

Perhaps you bought something you needed or wanted this weekend.

Maybe you found something as simple as a recipe you plan to try soon.

Whatever it is, focus on the positive and let your light shine through a smile. Smiles are usually contagious and such a simple way that could brighten someone's day that may really need it. If someone asks you why your smiling you could tell them any good news you have or just simply state your just happy. 

It is a sad place when people ask you this because so many forget to just be happy with what they have. You don't have to be that way. There is always something to be positive and happy about.

Giving Selflessly

Giving

In a world where many in our communities are struggling people often turn to help from those around them. When we give without expecting anything we create a better sense of ourselves and a better future for those around us. 

But what if someone asks us for things that is not quite a truthful person? What if the person that is asking for help really doesn't need the help?

First, I would like to remind people that sometimes you can't always tell if they will use the gifts of charity in a bad way. That isn't our place. Once the money or items are out of our possession it is up to the receiver to do the right thing. Good karma will still come to those with the best intentions. 

In the past few years on the news stories have been ran about seemingly homeless people who beg receiving upwards of 40k a year. And they aren't homeless. But... again, what do you do? How do you still help?

Give small change and dollar bills. Those who really need the help still appreciate the help, and use change the same way any of us would or at fast food places for warm meals.

Give food. You can sort of tell at this point how much help or where the intentions of the receiver are. If a person is hungry they will typically thank you for the food. Some others are all about about getting money and may give you a hard time. A friend of mine gave some breakfast bars and the homeless man complained. She simply said, "I do not have money to give, but if you are in need of food, you will accept these." 

Some homeless people haven't been homeless long.  The economy has struck them hard, sometimes leaving their family to find work elsewhere and live amongst the other homeless on the street. They didn't take anything with them as they have no where to stay except maybe their vehicle and what little money they have to just eat on. Sometimes-especially when it's colder out- dropping off a coat or blanket to those we notice may be "new" to an area to beg will bring some sort of comfort. If we weren't using it or about to give to a thrift shop anyway then no loss to ourselves will there be if this person has enough. 

Donate time at a soup kitchen. Soup kitchens are in areas where some people may not get a hot meal everyday. Some are ran by churches. People sometimes donate around holidays, but there are many that need a few hours weekly. These areas don't discriminate on who is homeless or not. They realize sometimes times are rough on everybody. Donating time and labor is very appreciated by both the organization and those receiving the meal.

Donate items to a church. This is often the best way to know your items will go to someone. Yes, some people do abuse the system (Oh a recent story I have!) BUT most items will go to someone who needs help. Families who lost it all to fire or other disaster, families who are in a hard situation that need clothing, even people who are just on a bad time. Churches who have programs like this take anything from money to furniture. Some programs are even geared toward mothers who are in situations, so old baby clothes, new packs of diapers, and all sorts of baby needs can be donated for those who really need the help.

Some other realizations of those who need help 

Some homeless enjoy the lifestyle. They may have a small home temporarily or live in a camp with other homeless. They fend for themselves when it comes to food and items. They sometimes have "helping" jobs that pay off the books, usually stuff like small labor work for friends or helping others while they preform a job. Money earned helps them get food, travel to get money and other things they need.

Many homeless cannot actually get a job for a few reasons. Work places typically need to know that you have a place of residence. Without this they cannot apply.

Others literally are not allowed to work. How, you ask? I know a guy who is a homeless vet in my area. He was part of special operations during Vietnam. So special that him and everyone part of it now does not exist- they took social security numbers from them, they are not allowed in or near places ran by government (i.e. post offices) and they certainly cannot get a job which gives in checks and a 1040 at the end of the year. He tries to make it like everyone else does. And there are so many like him! He also has been homeless for so long he has denied opportunities to live in a mansion in California because it wouldn't be work to him. It's not who he is. As I said, many are out in the country like him who had their lives changed drastically because of the job and skills they had with our military. It wasn't something he had done- it was the way the government wanted to deal with the project.

The homeless even in camps still need help. They still require money, food and clothing to live. This past Christmas the guy I know was running dangerously low on food and arthritis was making it impossible for him to travel to ask for money by the roadside. Me and my fiance simply went to Family Dollar and bought a plastic tote filled with easy make meals and canned foods. I even bought a pretty purple bow. Man, was he ever grateful and happy! He even actually enjoyed the bow! While it's not always "safe" to just wander into a camp like this, you could always ask to meet the person nearby if a large gift of food and items are what you would like to give.

Always be aware. While many are harmless people who are trying to live there are still a few that are out to do harm. Even the guy I know avoids others because of this. Don't give more then you want/can, don't give rides to people you just met, and don't let anyone into your home. The good ones never ever go ask for handouts at a residence so never fall for it. And always dial your police if you are scared or suspicious if the situation gets heated or weird.

Not just homeless, but anyone who needs help usually do not ask for a lot. Sometimes they need help with other things that you are willing to give up. Speak up, ask if they need help with this or that if you are speaking directly with anyone you are helping. People who need help normally are the ones who don't ask for it, so sometimes initiative is best to make sure someone is alright. 

Remember, giving comes in all sorts of ways to make the community brighter. Money, clothing, food, furniture, time: anything that helps another that you can GIVE.

One Day At A Time- A Preview

A Goal for Every Day!

I wanted everyone to share in a daily goal every day of the week, so here's some fun ways to bring positive energy to each day! We will start this Sunday- so look out for the post the day before to get you ready. Consider this a preview.

Smiling Sunday!

Start out the week with a smile! It's contagious and you may be asked why your so happy. Share some good news- or if you can't think of anything just say your just happy.

Make Someone Happy Monday!

This should be the day to go out of your way for a random act of kindness. It will truly make someone happy! Especially if you do good for a stranger!

Turn it Around Tuesday!

Everyone get's into situations that seem unbearable. It may be us or someone we know. Time to focus on the positives of these situations!

Way to Go Wednesday!

Make sure to praise someone: on an accomplishment, their work, how they carry themselves- anything that creates a positive focus for a job well done or a good job toward a goal!

Throw it Away Thursday!

Maybe it's a situation you shouldn't be a part of, a feeling you can't shake, or something you have been holding back. Time to put it out there or get rid of it!

Having Fun Friday!

Time to relax and have fun after a good, long week. Take some time out for yourself. 

Situational Awareness Saturday!

Time to look back at the week and look ahead. Plan, make goals, and start thinking about what to change to make a more positive outlook.

Positivity Training Part 3

Positivity Training Part 3 (part 2 of 2) continued...

If you missed part 2 you can get it HERE, also included in part 2 was link to part 1 and links to my other blog pages that focus on positive outcomes that are not part of this series.

Note from Erin: As we dive deeper into this and my other posts I noticed we are getting into deeper subjects. Some of these ideas come from my experience with friends in these areas. If anyone has a question or wants me to address an issue I'll be more then happy to blog about it. I encourage people to do this as it is possible others may have similar circumstance!

When last time we looked at positivity training...

In part 2 we began looking at what we can do for today when the past has influenced us. In part 3 we will continue looking at how our past shapes us today and being aware of how we have become shaped we can work on changes for the positive.

My family raised me to only like those who were like us. Don't mingle with those who were a different race, etc.

This is a big one here in the south. I didn't see this heavily until I left the Disney workplace and lived farther north. The farther from the tourist or even bigger city places I went- or coworkers visited- the more you hear appalling stories and see some rather...scary... people. It's not just the south, but all across the states in one form or fashion. 

Hate is not inherited by birth. Hate and discrimination are taught through our parent and caregivers.  No matter what culture or race you grew up as, the only way to think less of others is upbringing. Sometimes it's culturally driven, other times it's a skewed extreme religious view. Generality is 99% incorrect. Yes, people fit stereotypes sometimes, but there are those that break the "mold" constantly of those.

What if you are this person? While this is a harder subject the first thing I say to you is look at those you think are inferior in some way. Those people are just that- people. They all bleed red, are capable of great things, intelligent beings, have feelings just like you or me. Spiritually we are all the same. We all are trying to make it through life, find a purpose. Biologically all races share 99.8 percent of the human genes and roots of all people are traced to tribes that originated in Africa roughly 6 million years ago. Changes to race are only adaptations of areas (through mutations and survival) over thousands of years due to climate. I could go on forever about biology but might I digress... People of all types- race, culture, religions, creeds, etc. are all capable of such great things. I may elaborate in a separate blog soon. Look inward. Is treating those who have done no wrong to you or others deserving of such animosity? Will your differences toward others because of this make you the better person?

When we grew up we had the best of everything. I refuse to have it any less as an adult.

I know this seems silly, and by all rights, if you have worked hard and have the funds you should do as you please and give yourself those things. But you are not entitled to such things in life. When you are use to life a certain way you sort of expect these things. Hand outs. Treatment. That's not how it works in real life. People as bosses and in professional areas don't care. They care that you are doing your work, being productive, making the focus of business just that so that at the end of the day they make budgets. Not your problem, you say? In the work place it truly is. It all starts from the bottom of the chain.

What if you are this person? First off, things are just things. Sometimes we hit rock bottom or hard patches where we have to make cuts to our normal lives. This can be cutting back or having no entertainment spending for a while, buying all store brand or off brand for a while, even just making do with what we already have. The newer generations think they are entitled to special things and treatment because the parents always gave them these things. The world is not made up of getting your way just because you say so. There is no real instant gratification. You DO have to work to get things, to get respect and to live close to how you would like. Know that everyone is trying to get by- just like you. Spend wisely and you can get the things you want if you are smart about it. And if you need help, never be afraid to look into assistance.

We never worried about "healthy" food. We ate because we had to.

This isn't a deep subject, but it does seem to spawn from roots of home. My parents didn't always have a lot of money and we couldn't get assistance. Stuck between a rock and a hard place. While we ate and were fed well, there was a lot of pasta side dishes, processed side dishes and hot dogs. For some families, fast food- while expensive in the long run- was the way to go for convenience. With busy families, fast food continues to dominate. Processed foods are cheap. Some deeper subjects on food include some who ate for comfort in hard home situations, causing a bad habit stemmed from growing up.

What if you are this person? You have the choice when you get out in the world to make decisions that separate you from bad habits at home. Your habits also effect any children you have. For one, it is cheaper to cook your own food then running to fast food. In moderation, you can still buy processed foods and still live a relatively healthier life with your meals. Smaller portions will not only save money and stretch budgets farther, but it's better for the body. This way you can afford fresher foods. Cooking things mostly from scratch can save on salts and fats then always doing processed. Having large amounts of veggies along pasta will stretch cheaper meals since pasta is very cheap and very filling. For the busy parent, look into crock pot meals that are cheap and can be made ahead of time and frozen- just as good heated in the oven so you don't go out and spend on more food or fast food. If you eat for comfort, knowing you do is the first step to diet change. Keep healthy snacks around and ditch junk food so you won't be tempted by these. There is a lot more information and options out there for families to be healthier in their eating. If for nothing else, think about the money you will save with smaller portions and health care of the family!

Just because we grew up a certain way with negative habits doesn't mean we can't change those to be better. We should be proud of heritage and who we are. The values we took. The things we learned. But if we took the wrong parts from our growing up, then what have we really learned as we became a person of our own?

Fear in Communication

Fear

We all fear something. Perhaps we fear many things. Fear holds us back to making us happy or solving a problem. 

So what do we do when we fear change? When we fear the worst of an outcome?

What happens when we leave our fears

If we don't confront our fears we may never know. We miss opportunity. Sometimes we even make situations worse. 

Being passive or practicing avoidance is a communicative block between people. You must overcome this to communicate well and take care of disagreements or problems. If you are unhappy because of something someone is doing avoiding the subject may seem easier but, in fact, it tends to make things worse for you on your end. The person may not be aware of what they are doing to affect you.

Solving and Overcoming Fears

Figure out why you are afraid. Are you afraid of hurting feelings? Are you afraid of confrontation all together? Maybe your afraid of the response.

Would leaving the situation be more beneficial in the long run?

Chances are leaving it go will be worse. 

It's often better to sit and discuss the problem at hand then to continue to fear. 

Address the problem and how it makes you feel.

Make sure the other party gets to also express this.

You may fight for your point, but make sure you are thorough in your words and how it makes you feel. 

Most conflict can be solved with some sort of "meeting in the middle" where both parties come to an agreement. If this is unlikely or the situation is not something to compromise on then weigh the options if it continues. 

If you continue to be unhappy with the result and the person will not turn, then perhaps there is the ultimatum  But won't that be better then always unhappy and worry?

Most times problems arise from the lack of communication and fear of bringing up the problems. Perhaps the greater fear should be what would happen if I don't?

Positivity Training Part 2

Positivity Training Part 2

In this short series we will explore more on things you can do to make your perspective a more positive one. If you missed part 1, please visit it HERE. 

Of course, many of the blogs I have written go hand in hand with positivity training as a whole. We focused on Looking for the good things, learning that Health may lead to a happier you, even Stress management tips along with a page dedicated to Meditation ideas. 

Lastly, my latest blog before this was a deeper subject, Changing things about yourself that usually impact not only yourself, but those around you.

Helping Yourself for Today

We all have problems, vices, things that effect us greatly. How about your past? 

I have met a bunch of people that claim that things in their past is who they are today and nothing will change that. We all have met those people, perhaps we are those people.

Our past does make up who we are: our experiences and how we have reacted has shaped our character, our thoughts even our beliefs. But what if we aren't happy or have had a positive outcome? How do we change this?

Let's look at some examples.

People who act apprehensive toward others or negative aren't really happy.

At the core, being a "bitch" or an "asshole" doesn't reflect happiness and surely doesn't bring about positive energy to those around. You will hear it again and again that these people are happy with themselves or they don't care. It's typically a power struggle within themselves that they must feel worthy of anything to bring others down to their level or to see others hurt. This is NOT happy nor positive. 

What if you are this person? Look inside yourself. Bring compassion and empathy to your situations. Reflect on how these people reacted and even looked. Did you see pain? Did they lash out to defend themselves? How did you feel when people have done the same to you? Maybe it was your home life that grew you into a bully, perhaps a parent didn't show you love and warmth. You know the source, why be the same? This is not who you have to be now, and the choice is truly yours.

I have to steal because that's how we always got by when growing up.

I met people like this a few years ago, even living in nice places. Stealing, whether from a store or a place of residence effects others. Prices in stores compensate for lost merchandise, making it harder for everyone. In a residence area perhaps taking things hurts the people as it was a gift or something they saved for- but they worked for. People who steal do it for many reasons. Needing money, money for drugs, taking nice things for themselves, not having funds for stuff they want and want a better life. People who steal have deep issues both with money and value, especially when they see benefit for themselves without regard to others.

What if you are this person? Times are hard and sometimes our values can be confused. If we did this or saw our parents do this chances are they were also involved in subjects that made hard times even harder. There are plenty of "good" ways to make money even if it takes some extra work. If it's the thrill there are certainly other safe "thrills" that aren't illegal or hurt others. 

My relationships are always bad or I have a habit of hurting others because of my parent's love life.

We all learn how to treat others in a relationship based on what we saw growing up. The biggest problem is that we know and realize it was wrong if it was. Maybe it's abusive. Maybe your not truthful or monogamous. Perhaps you get with people who treat you badly because you ignore what will actually make you happy instead of focusing on a false feeling of love. These problems are often complex in nature.

What if you are this person? First, we do not have to live the same life as those before us. Instead, we are suppose to learn from our elders mistakes. This shows substantial growth and intelligence. If you are abusive know that a relationship is a mutual thing. There should not be dominance or struggle of power. Both sides are equal. If you are not faithful then look within yourself. What aren't you happy with? Is it the person your with, the relationship, or do you feel you need to fill yourself with attraction from others? Perhaps if you want this lifestyle then being together with a person in a relationship is not for you. Even not having a solid relationship and being promiscuous has it's roots in issues from a young age. Typically a lack of attention from the parents. I have found not many people- especially young people- ever actually happy like this.

Part 3 of Positivity training with the continuation of this will be posted next week.

If you aren't happy you have the power to change.

Changing Yourself- Break the Cycle

Personal Changes 

Changing things about you does not mean changing who you are. Bad habits, destructive behaviors, less then   notable acts- all these are things that are destructive not only to ourselves but harm those around us.

Now, I am not going to go into healthy eating or habits that cause physical harm like smoking (although addiction is a reflection here). These are acts and thoughts people do. No one is truly perfect but identifying a problem is always the first step in a change. The next step is up to you.

Below is my 5 simple steps to keep in mind when wanting to make a positive change to yourself. You can save it on your computer or phone as a good reminder.

Types of Changes

Every change you make to better yourself is a personal battle. Letting go of negative things in yourself does not change who you are, as I said before. Let's look at some of the things someone can change that is viewed as negative.

Lying, hiding, distorting the truth: These are very destructive behaviors and will tear relationships apart. After all, truth is much stronger. The issues that arise from these habits usually include trust issues, paranoia, and hurt feelings among many others for those you have a relationship with. Usually these habits have roots in a deeper problem.  

Keeping less than pleasing friends around: This one sounds odd, but if you keep people around you that practice negative behavior you will tend to pick it up as you are influenced by friends of this nature. These people can include, but not limited to drug users, thieves, compulsive liars, those who seek dominance of those around, "bad" business men/women, those who entice in bad behavior, etc. Not all people who do bad habits are bad people, but some are. In either case, limiting time around these people and keeping no contact will limit the possibility of falling into habit with them.

Staying out later then your suppose to: Again, another odd one, but you must put yourself in the shoes of the person/people expecting you to be home. Whether a spouse, significant other or parents the number one thing on their mind is typically safety. The next worry trust. If you are truthful and it doesn't happen often (traffic keeps you, car issues, etc.) then there is little problem. But making it a habit can hurt. Sometimes it's always going out with the guys after work. Maybe you are always wanting to go with friends. Remember, we all have responsibility at home, too, and relationships that need to be nurtured. Limiting yourself to always wanting to leave and not be around usually roots in other personal issues.

Ignoring problems/being passive/thinking problems will work themselves out: This is certainly not true in 99% of cases. Problems tend to fester when not treated properly. Being lazy doesn't take out the trash so not wanting to solve a personal problem someone close to you has will not make a situation better but keep piling on. Ignoring, thinking no one will notice, not wanting to be confronted, etc. often leads to the hiding and lying part. Isn't it best to stop if it hurts the other person? If it makes you seem not a very good person? Or that you just don't care all together?

Addiction: Anyone can be an addict of anything- even healthy things. Spending too much time alone on a computer or game, always needing to do things the healthiest way but letting it rule your life to where your relationships suffer. Maybe it isn't time that is the thing used up, but perhaps money. Drugs- while unhealthy and bad for the body- also take up money. Maybe you always must shop when half your closet still has tags. I've seen talk shoes where the man was unaware that the family was 50k in debt due to the woman shopping with an addiction. It ruined their lives, home, and family. It's best to have a healthy amount of anything, even living healthy. Unless you are training for the Olympics or an MMA fighter you don't need to run or work out 24/7.

Negative Thoughts/depression/cynical: Usually this is rooted in much deeper issues, but not always. If you are depressed and can't get out of the rut seek professional help. But if it's temporary think of ways to change your attitude and make your experience more uplifting. If it's just the way you look at things, look for those positive things. Don't always think "What can go wrong will." Instead "What can go right will". Set backs always happen but doesn't mean the opportunity is gone. Usually just pushed back. If you are cynical about everything this leads to the negative just as much as seeing negative everywhere. People, especially more positive people, tend to become attracted socially to people with positive attitudes.

Loving too much: This goes into addiction, but also has place by itself. Not all of us are meant to be the "Mother Theresa" or "Dali Lama". While helping whenever you can is awesome there is a time and place that most of us should be aware to back off. If it bogs you down and takes a toll on your priorities/responsibilities/stress level then you need to back off. Learn to say 'No'. I heard a fabulous saying when I was younger. "JOY- Jesus first, Others second, Yourself Third". While it's good to remember to take care of those around you, remember if your health is not good, your family suffers from lack of time with you, or you get suckered into things from people taking full advantage from your willingness then perhaps you are doing too much and you need to reevaluate how much love to spread.

While this list is pretty intense, remember that there are many more problems someone can be doing that aren't even mentioned here. While not all of us will be perfect you can make the change knowing what isn't perfect. Just look at how it effects your life and those closest to you. Perhaps it's how you deal with relationships and sex, maybe it's work-related and it affects your performance. It does take time and it isn't easy but if it wasn't easy it wouldn't be worth it.

Equality

Equality

Before I begin I want to say that using this word the past couple years tends to get animosity from certain groups. I have no problem expressing my views on the subject, nor should anyone else, as it is opinion after all. 

I am a believer that all people are people. Race, gender, sexuality, religion, etc. make no difference in a human being a human. Each of us have feelings, a past, present and future. Deep family roots and culture somewhere. Ideas and a feel for why they believe the way they do. People, unless they purpose themselves to make less of others, deserve to be treated with equal footing and equal opportunity.

I grew up and still live in the United States of America. We are not perfect as a nation and I feel we are far from it- but I feel proud and lucky enough to be part of this nation. It saddens me that so much of our "progression" is dependent on others who do not want others to have the freedoms they do because of race, religion, sexuality. Yet, if the show was on the other foot the story would be different for many of those who feel to oppress. You see, I have strong roots in Christianity. I also am not only very spiritual but have a deep knowledge in the history of the religion and where it's roots grew from Judaism. 

I am also very aware that this country was founded not by Christians alone, but Atheists who didn't want anything to do with the church of England.  Not only did the Christians want to break free of the strict tradition and the politics that was polluting their worship, but the Athiests and other groups who came over here didn't want to be forced into taking part in something they didn't believe. 

The Constitution is freedom of religion: freedom to worship anything and in any way.

It is pursuit of life, liberty and happiness: to live the way you want within the grounds of society as a capitalist nation- you work for what you want as hard as you want to get the things you want and live as you want.

There is the amendment of church and state: Religious (not societies morals) rules will not reflect or influence the laws made for everyone (because of freedom of religion- not everyone believes the same way). 

So why the fuss over equality for people who have a sexual attraction to anyone other then the other sex?

I find it sad to think this goes on as strongly as it does. Regardless of my religion that may say it's "wrong" I have the understanding that my country is basing laws off of a religion and denying happiness and life to a group of people. I do not think homosexuality is a choice: I do not choose to be straight, after all and no one can change my biology. If I wanted to live in a country where religion determines the law and oppresses others because of it I would choose to be elsewhere. Maybe living at the Vatican where it's all Catholic rule over the law. But, alas, I am here and people want it their way regardless of the founding principles. 

People may ask then "if it's freedom to live the way you want or happiness then what makes me not kill someone under the law?" You, the moral integrity of the nation, and the understanding that one cannot follow their Constitutional rights if it harms or disables another person or their Constitutional rights. 

Even the argument of past Jewish law that we got rid of that is in the same book of Leviticus such as no seafood other then fish, wearing mixed clothing types (cotton, linen, etc), even so strongly about women and their biology in regards to the church or their spouse. If we were to even follow the moral structure these books said about things we still practice then we should go and kill these other's off. But then, we have Jesus who came and changed it all, even changing many things  the book of Leviticus told us not to do.

The Dali Lama said once "Your Christians are so unlike your Christ". Jesus was not hateful. He was passionate about the correct way you should live and not sin, but he didn't hate these people. He gave them advice and went on. He didn't threaten. He didn't tell them he hated any of them. Instead he had concern, compassion and love no matter what.

No matter how you believe, isn't that the way we should treat all people? With kindness? He taught us not to judge, to cast the first stone as we are all people with faults, and that we are all on equal ground as people. 

This was just food for thought. Remember, positivity breeds positivity. Regardless of your religious views I urge you to treat others the way you expect to be treated. Kindness, respect, compassion- brotherly love.